Happiness | Anxiety Talks

What is happiness?
Is it a feeling or is it a state of being?
What I do know is that happiness can be temporary. It can be incredibly hard to maintain. Your own negative self conscious can impact it and so can the world around you.
For example when you cant stop smiling because that one person has messaged you, but then you brain decides nah we ain't having this and every now and again drops doubts in to you head. 'don't be silly he is only after one thing' 'he will get bored of you soon just you wait and see'
Its when you listen to these doubt you no longer feel happiness.
If you suffer from anxiety you will listen to these doubts and then you will start over thinking about them. they manifest in your brain so much that they become real. If you let this happen is happiness really possible?
Of course it!!
You just need to learn to shout shut up!!! I'm still learning that but it is starting to work. OK
I understand that maybe your brain is telling you the truth but in my experience If you don't try how can you know if happiness is a possible feat?
Next time your brain shouts 'what if' shout back 'shut up'

Love Hayley Beth

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Happiness

Looking back at my childhood the most poignant of memories are from when I was most upset and angry. I wouldn't consider myself to be a happy person. But what is happiness? I can't say I have ever felt immense happiness nor can I really remember a time whereby something made me particularly happy.
Is that a bad thing or does it maybe shown that I haven't been making the right decisions in life?
I thought having a stable job and being in a relationship would make me happy. I thought making jewellery and other crafts would make me happy.
Is there something wrong with me or am I just blocking out the happy memories?
I can't be the only person who feels like this. And please it isn't depression as I know that is what most people jump to but I know something isn't quite right.
I laugh and i have fun but there is always something else lingering in the back of my head.
Unfortunately now this sadness has got so bad that even my boyfriend doesn't wish to spend time with me. Always making excuses. I may be seeing something that isn't there but what I am currently seeing is a life with out love, a life without happiness in a monotonous life.
I know i shouldn't feel empty like this. But I see all my friends settling down, starting families and here I am not leaving the house all day as though I am scared of the outside world.
I am lost amongst my sadness.

Super awesome lazy day

Today I did nothing!!! I had my first day off in what seemed like ages. I spend the day in my pajamas watching gossip girl on netflix eating junk and quite frankly it was utter bliss. I even has a nap lol!!!
It was the only way you spend a Sunday!!!! Doing nothing put a smile on my face, there was nothing expected of me. I could be in all my disgustingness and nobody could judge me. Now I am waiting for my loving  boyfriend to get off the xbox and give me cuddles!!!!!
As always
Love Hayley Beth xxx

today's happy moment!!!

I thought I would start this all off with what makes me happy everyday. Ben. Knowing he is always here for me when I need him. It's been hard of late what with us working in different betting shops and hours always clashing, but we are working so hard to see each other. In fact I am waiting for him to come round as write this terrible post!!!!
So here he is, my beautiful Benjamin!!!!

 As always
Love Hayley Beth xxx

Sorry...

So I've kinda neglected you guys for a little while. I'm sorry I just haven't had time to blog...

So what has happened since my last geeky post?

Well I had an awesome Christmas with my gorgeous boyfriend who spoilt me rotten, I had a spontaneous valentines and I am moving stores!!!

Although a lot is going well at the moment anxiety keeps rearing it's evil head and unfortunately it is starting to get me down. I haven't been able to hide my down days so much and Ben has seen things I never wanted him to see. My down days are pretty hard to come out of as well. So because of this I have decided that I will start to post every day. It might not be a big entry like this one but it will be something that made me smile. It could be a photo, a quote or a news article. 

So starting tomorrow I will start posting everyday. It may be the only thing I have smiled at in a day so I want to share it!!!

Thank you for still reading my posts while I have been gone.

As Always 

Love Hayley Beth xxx