Monday, 8 September 2014

How I Feel Right Now

Some days I want a big hole to appear and swallow me up. That is how I feel right now. Life should be good. I have a job, a great guy who loves me, a house to live in and a great group of friends. I have also recently got back in touch with a very good friend from school. The trouble is I have parents. Parents who disapprove of every step I make and every breath I take. At 18 there isn't a whole lot I can do to get out of this situation. Nobody in there right mind would rent a room t an 18 year old so I'm kinda stuck here in this living hell hole.
Because of this I rarely spend any time at home I'm either at work or with my boyfriend who I am pretty sure my parents hate mainly because he is my boyfriend.
I probably wont eat a meal tonight because that would mean me eating my parents food yet I pay £200 keep the majority of the time I am confined to what is actually available for my consumption. When my mother does cook it isn't proper meals beans on toast, a veggie burger, the odd jacket potato.
I can no longer live like this. Being hated isn't a nice feeling. In fact it makes you want to end your existence (notice I did not put life, this is not some suicidal plea for help, this is simply me saying I do not wish to live this kind of life any more), start all over again, be a new person away from the shit. As soon as I can I will leave this life an never return to it. Will I miss it? Probably but it will pass I have to learn to grow into the person I want to be not the person I have to be.
I am sorry that this is incredibly depressing and many others have it much worse but needed to get this all off my chest.
Love Hayley Beth xxx

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