So today is mothers day in the UK. This means Facebook, instagram and twitter is full of mother and child photos and sweet little anecdotes of how special every ones mums are. I hate days like this because it just reminds me that I don't have that kind of relationship with my mum. I wouldn't change the relationship I have with my mum because it works for us but sometimes I do think I wish we could be closer, I wish we could go on mother and daughter shopping trips together and do more than grab a cheap lunch at the posh Wetherspoons every few months.
I don't actually have any photos of me and my mum. I think that is what upsets me the most. For some one from the outside looking in they would almost be able to believe my parents only had one child. I know that not to be true but so many of my friends see my family as horrible people who don't care for me but a lot of the time I think that is because they don't understand the relationship I have with them.
OK yes it does bug me when my parents don't return my calls. They probably think I'm just bored and wanna say hi but sometimes I do genuinely just want to here my mums voice because I miss her and sometimes I just need her to reassure me that everything is OK even i she doesn't realise that is what she is doing.
I miss my family I really do. I try to play it cool but in reality I am so goddamn lonely with out them. I know too much time has passed for anything to change or to go back to how it was but I just don't want to end up like my dad who has no relationship with his family what so ever. I want my future family to know their cousins and grandparents. I want to have big family barbeque's in the summer and to all get together at Christmas and birthdays. I want them to grow up surrounded by plenty of people who love and care for them, always knowing they have someone they can turn to to talk about anything that is of concern to them.