So I apologise for not blogging for a good couple of months now. I guess I was a little preoccupied with life. But I am back and here to start a new chapter in my life. It is time to concentrate on me for a little while. You may be wondering what has brought this on well I have been going through some shit of recent. I won't go into details as that wouldn't be fair to others involved but I am now single and ready to move on in life. It has taken me a while to get to this point let me tell you I was more than ready to do a tell all blog but that would have most likely caused me more pain. But I have moved past that I am starting to regain my appetite I don't feel so sick with worry and upset any more (and I am thankful that I only puked once) and hopefully I will start sleeping properly again soon, waking up and over thinking the memories isn't good for anyone.
So what does this new chapter entail? Well first of all I am going to try and reconnect with my friends. I fee like I left them behind and going out will do me some good, I need some fun. This will all start with Saturday night, drinks with a good friend who is back from uni for the weekend.
Secondly I am going to work my butt off to be successful. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet, I want a job that I enjoy getting up in the morning to go to, that has a benefit to others rather than pushing a silly credit card and telling people to have a good day after purchasing their granny pants.
Next I am going to live a little. I am going to travel. Well when I say travel I mean get on a train to Stoke for a long weekend to visit a friend. But it will be a new experience for me and memories will be created and I will learn and grow from the experience.
Lastly I am going to forge friendships with people from my past and those in my future. I want to make amends with those who I no longer talk to even if they have hurt me in the past or the last month. I struggle to make connections with people so to lose them is hard.
I am also going to try and not become so easily attached to people. When I meet someone I like I fall like a lead balloon head over heels. In future I need to take a step back because when that person leaves I always feel lost, unable to remember how to live without them. I have been struggling, when you are used to seeing someone everyday it is hard to remember how to the simplest of things by yourself like shopping or going to MacDonalds.
If someone is reading this I just want them to know that no matter how much I have been hurting my love hasn't dwindled not an ounce. I have been told your first love stays in your heart forever because that is the person who showed you that you have the ability to love another when you felt like it was an impossible feat. At first everything around you will remind you of that person but you have to remember that memories are just that they aren't emotions or feelings they are a snapshot of time that you will encapsulate for eternity. You will look back one day and think gosh I miss those days but they taught me to be the person you are today. but remember all the hurt will be worth it in the end because someone will come along and mend your broken heart and make you whole again. It may take many broken hearts to find this person but it will happen one day a prince will ride up on his white stallion and rid you of all those idiots on donkeys.
By far this has been my hardest blog to write, I wont lie I have cried a lot while putting it together but hopefully this will be the end of those tears and the start of happiness and laughter.
As always
Love Hayley Beth xxx
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